Percussion Gun -- White Rabbits
2009 Aug 12th | 21:58
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More Thoughts about Civil and Social Evolution
2009 Aug 7th | 21:04
mood: 
accomplished
The views of family, friends, acquaintances, and society in general can and do impact relationships. For example, when a man or woman dates someone significantly older or younger than themselves, initially people may express being impressed... they may be living every adult's fantasy dating someone younger. Generally, when people think of "youth" or "20-somethings", they think of words like "fresh", "active", "trim", "firm", "fit", "virile", "strong", "unimpaired", "vigorous", "exciting", "enthusiastic", and so on. Only afterword (when the jealousy sets in?), they might seem to question the possibility of intellectual, emotional, spiritual intimacy. Personally, I think intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy is ENTIRELY possible between two people experiencing "significant" age difference. Although I believe age can be an indicator of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual "maturity" (whatever that is), I think as long as people are able to make those connections, the relationship will be mutually healthy, satisfactory, encouraging, and empowering. In fact, I think when people can make intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connections yet have some cultural or generational differences, achieving and maintaining the "spark" or excitement in the relationship can actually be easier because there is so much more to introduce each other to and share -- in other words, diversity can be a tremendous benefit in a relationship.
In my experience, instead of the initial "Way to go... you lucky devil" like the previously described individual received, someone who doesn't experience a disability who dates someone using a wheelchair or experiencing a disability (at least outside of the "disability community"), the response tends to be "WHAT are you thinking? What is wrong with YOU? Are you feeling undesireable, unattractive, or unworthy? You can do SO much better. We had much higher expectations for you."
I feel it all comes back to the notion that "disability", whether by definition or implication, means "unhealthy", "diseased", "fragile", "delicate", "weak", "vulnerable", "ill", "indisposed", "infirm", "poor", "sick", "sickly", "worn", "unable", "undesirable" etc.. Instead, given modern treatments, therapies, assistive technologies, and support systems, "disability" often means "I simply do things differently (creatively and innovatively) than you to achieve the same or similar results". However, like many historical civil and social movements, change progresses slowly.
During the past many months, I've been thinking about other civil and social movements and discovering various similarities. Think of the time when our country was just developing and people were immigrating. There were many different countries of origin and nationalities, segregation of nationalities and primary languages into towns/neighborhood, fighting among neighborhoods/towns for standard/common resources, movements toward integration (often around the need for employment, government, access and control for standard/common resources), oppression by the majority, uprising by the minority, eventually anti-discrimination laws addressing nationality, subtle discrimination relating to nationality by the majority continuing, increasing interaction between individuals of different national origins, increasing national awareness, increasing national acceptance, decreasing national discrimination, eventually people of different national origins dating, disgust or at least disapproval of inter-national romantic relationships, increasing inter-national romantic relationships, increasing inter-national romantic relationships awareness, increasing inter-national romantic relationships acceptance, and eventually nationalism nearly becomes a non-issue.
Next, religious diversity as different nationalities and cultures interact... segregation by town/neighborhood/church, movements toward integration (often around the need for employment, government, and commons/standard resources), oppression, uprising, anti-discrimination laws addressing religion, subtle religious discrimination by the majority, increasing inter-religious participation and interaction, increasing religious awareness, increasing acceptance of religious diversity, decreasing religious discrimination, eventually people of different religions dating, disgust or at least disapproval of inter-religion romantic relationships, increasing inter-religious romantic relationships, increasing inter-religious romantic relationship awareness, increasing inter-religious romantic relationships acceptance, and eventually religion-ism nearly becomes a non-issue.
Next, gender diversity (often based on biological physical reproductive organs present at birth) as different genders interact outside of romantic relationships... segregation by role (man/worker/author, woman/supporter/mother), movements toward equality (often around the need for employment, government, and plus access to and control of commons/standard resources), oppression, uprising, anti-discrimination laws addressing gender, subtle discrimination by men, increasing gender participation and interaction, increasing gender awareness, increasing acceptance of gender diversity, decreasing gender discrimination, eventually people of same genders dating, disgust or at least disapproval of same-gender romantic relationships, increasing same-gender romantic relationships, increasing same-gender relationship awareness, increasing same-gender romantic relationship acceptance, and hopefully gender will eventually become a non-issue.
At nearly the same time, racial diversity (often based on skin color) as different nationalities, religions, and cultures interact... segregation by town/neighborhood, movements toward integration (often around the need for employment, government, and commons/standard resources), oppression, uprising, anti-discrimination laws addressing race/ethnicity, subtle racial/ethnic discrimination by the majority, increasing racial/ethnic participation and interaction, increasing racial/ethnic awareness, increasing acceptance of racial/ethnic diversity, decreasing racial/ethnic discrimination, eventually people of different races/ethnicities dating, disgust or at least disapproval of inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationships, increasing inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationships, increasing inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationship awareness, increasing inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationship acceptance, and hopefully racism/ethnic-ism will eventually become a non-issue.
And so on, and so forth. Isn't it interesting how many civil and social movements have occurred and continue during our parent's and our generations alone?!? I wonder what the next "difference" will be?
The independent-living movement began during the late-1960s and early-1970s; the Americans with Disabilities Act was enacted during 1991 giving people experiencing disabilities equal access to public buildings, employment, and public services; and in 2001, the Supreme Court ruled that individuals experiencing disability could not be segregated or isolated in institutions or group homes. So, although the movement has been going on for awhile, there is still a lot to be accomplished, especially with regard to subtle discrimination as well as friendships, work-relationships, romantic relationships, and sexuality. Many families still have difficulty accepting when their child, sibling, parent, or extended relative experiences disability or aging. There is still subtle employment discrimination. Probably the biggest challenge, hurdle, and struggle faced by someone not experiencing disability who dates someone who does experience disability are NOT the experiences related to disability but rather the perceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices of our society. And, I cannot blame anyone for not wanting to struggle against that; initiating, building, nurturing, and maintaining ANY romantic relationship is tough enough on its own. But, I tremendously admire the individuals whom do, and whom may not, experience disability that forge ahead and blaze new trails to help our society and culture evolve.
In my experience, instead of the initial "Way to go... you lucky devil" like the previously described individual received, someone who doesn't experience a disability who dates someone using a wheelchair or experiencing a disability (at least outside of the "disability community"), the response tends to be "WHAT are you thinking? What is wrong with YOU? Are you feeling undesireable, unattractive, or unworthy? You can do SO much better. We had much higher expectations for you."
I feel it all comes back to the notion that "disability", whether by definition or implication, means "unhealthy", "diseased", "fragile", "delicate", "weak", "vulnerable", "ill", "indisposed", "infirm", "poor", "sick", "sickly", "worn", "unable", "undesirable" etc.. Instead, given modern treatments, therapies, assistive technologies, and support systems, "disability" often means "I simply do things differently (creatively and innovatively) than you to achieve the same or similar results". However, like many historical civil and social movements, change progresses slowly.
During the past many months, I've been thinking about other civil and social movements and discovering various similarities. Think of the time when our country was just developing and people were immigrating. There were many different countries of origin and nationalities, segregation of nationalities and primary languages into towns/neighborhood, fighting among neighborhoods/towns for standard/common resources, movements toward integration (often around the need for employment, government, access and control for standard/common resources), oppression by the majority, uprising by the minority, eventually anti-discrimination laws addressing nationality, subtle discrimination relating to nationality by the majority continuing, increasing interaction between individuals of different national origins, increasing national awareness, increasing national acceptance, decreasing national discrimination, eventually people of different national origins dating, disgust or at least disapproval of inter-national romantic relationships, increasing inter-national romantic relationships, increasing inter-national romantic relationships awareness, increasing inter-national romantic relationships acceptance, and eventually nationalism nearly becomes a non-issue.
Next, religious diversity as different nationalities and cultures interact... segregation by town/neighborhood/church, movements toward integration (often around the need for employment, government, and commons/standard resources), oppression, uprising, anti-discrimination laws addressing religion, subtle religious discrimination by the majority, increasing inter-religious participation and interaction, increasing religious awareness, increasing acceptance of religious diversity, decreasing religious discrimination, eventually people of different religions dating, disgust or at least disapproval of inter-religion romantic relationships, increasing inter-religious romantic relationships, increasing inter-religious romantic relationship awareness, increasing inter-religious romantic relationships acceptance, and eventually religion-ism nearly becomes a non-issue.
Next, gender diversity (often based on biological physical reproductive organs present at birth) as different genders interact outside of romantic relationships... segregation by role (man/worker/author, woman/supporter/mother), movements toward equality (often around the need for employment, government, and plus access to and control of commons/standard resources), oppression, uprising, anti-discrimination laws addressing gender, subtle discrimination by men, increasing gender participation and interaction, increasing gender awareness, increasing acceptance of gender diversity, decreasing gender discrimination, eventually people of same genders dating, disgust or at least disapproval of same-gender romantic relationships, increasing same-gender romantic relationships, increasing same-gender relationship awareness, increasing same-gender romantic relationship acceptance, and hopefully gender will eventually become a non-issue.
At nearly the same time, racial diversity (often based on skin color) as different nationalities, religions, and cultures interact... segregation by town/neighborhood, movements toward integration (often around the need for employment, government, and commons/standard resources), oppression, uprising, anti-discrimination laws addressing race/ethnicity, subtle racial/ethnic discrimination by the majority, increasing racial/ethnic participation and interaction, increasing racial/ethnic awareness, increasing acceptance of racial/ethnic diversity, decreasing racial/ethnic discrimination, eventually people of different races/ethnicities dating, disgust or at least disapproval of inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationships, increasing inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationships, increasing inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationship awareness, increasing inter-racial/ethnic romantic relationship acceptance, and hopefully racism/ethnic-ism will eventually become a non-issue.
And so on, and so forth. Isn't it interesting how many civil and social movements have occurred and continue during our parent's and our generations alone?!? I wonder what the next "difference" will be?
The independent-living movement began during the late-1960s and early-1970s; the Americans with Disabilities Act was enacted during 1991 giving people experiencing disabilities equal access to public buildings, employment, and public services; and in 2001, the Supreme Court ruled that individuals experiencing disability could not be segregated or isolated in institutions or group homes. So, although the movement has been going on for awhile, there is still a lot to be accomplished, especially with regard to subtle discrimination as well as friendships, work-relationships, romantic relationships, and sexuality. Many families still have difficulty accepting when their child, sibling, parent, or extended relative experiences disability or aging. There is still subtle employment discrimination. Probably the biggest challenge, hurdle, and struggle faced by someone not experiencing disability who dates someone who does experience disability are NOT the experiences related to disability but rather the perceptions, stereotypes, and prejudices of our society. And, I cannot blame anyone for not wanting to struggle against that; initiating, building, nurturing, and maintaining ANY romantic relationship is tough enough on its own. But, I tremendously admire the individuals whom do, and whom may not, experience disability that forge ahead and blaze new trails to help our society and culture evolve.
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Dreams of Us
2009 Jul 26th | 21:54
mood: 
hopeful
Last night during the One Day in July Celebration as I was listening to Brother Ali rap and speak about how divided our country has become, how most citizens feel powerless, how we don't exert the power we do have, how we need to stop focusing on our differences as dividers, how we need to unite, and how we need to work together to improve our situations, it dawned on me how we really do focus on and act upon differences negatively. I thought about how we describe people in our everyday lives and communication: "The white guy with a cane...". Obviously, in order to identify someone, we need to describe the key characteristics that differentiate that person from the others around. But, what if the person we are talking to wasn't there? Does describing the person's different characteristics even matter? Or, does it help "paint the picture" of our vision or thoughts?
It seems like phases in any civil rights movement go something like this: isolation, frustration, anger, community building, demand for recognition, demand for integration, legislative actions, superficial adherence with legislative actions with some struggles because the values are not internalized, superficial integration, familiarity, diminishing stereotypes, diminishing prejudice, greater more seamless integration, non-legislated acceptance and integration, with the ultimate demonstration of integration being when romantic relationships develop and flourish between two previously "different" groups without challenges or consequence.
Diversity is not a trend, or a fashion, to participate in to be "cool" or "politically correct". It is a value to be held with great regard. We shouldn't come together IN SPITE of our differences. We should come together BECAUSE of our differences.
Key figures in the woman's civil rights movement -- such as Elizabeth Garrett Anderson, Susan B. Anthony, Jeannette Rankin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Sojourner Truth, Lucy Stone, and Harriet Tubman -- had a vision. Key leaders in the racial civil rights movement -- Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Medgar Evers, James Meredith, Andrew Young, Harvey Johnson, Ernest Morial, Barbara Jordan, Dr. Martin Luther King, and many others -- shared the dream of Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.. Key activists in the GLBTA movement -- Henry Gerber, Tammy Baldwin, Barbara Gittings, Del Martin, Phyllis Lyon, José Sarria, and numerous others -- shared the thoughts of Harvey Milk,
Like so many of them, I too have have a dream. My dream is that we no longer think of differences as something perverse, derogatory, or barriers. My dream is that differences will no longer be tolerated. Rather, we will genuinely and tightly embrace differences as valuable treasures holding vast experience, knowledge, skills, and abilities. My dream is that our differences will bring us together to become stronger more loving communities. My dream is differences will no longer be impediments to acceptance, integration, love, or in partnership. But, before my dream can be realized, we need to stop impeding each other... ignoring each other... shunning each other... excluding each other... oppressing each other. My dream is only possible if each and every one of us begins encouraging and empowering each other to be WITH us... to be a STRONGER us... to be a WISER us... so WE can be the BEST us we can possibly be.
Do you have a dream? Do you observe? Do you change? Do you encourage change? Do you empower change? Or, do you impede? Do you follow the crowd? Do you strive to be trendy? Do you embrace strict tradition? Do you promote the status quo? The choice is yours, and yours alone. How will you respond?
Ayo, Dependin on the day, and dependin on what I ate
I'm anywhere from 20 to 35 pounds over weight
I got red eyes and one of them's lazy
and they both squint when the sun shines so I look crazy
I'm albino man, I know I'm pink and pale
And I'm hairy as hell, everywhere but fingernails
I shave a cranium that ain't quite shaped right
Face type, shiny, I stay up and write late nights
My wardrobe is jeans and faded shirts
A mixture of what I like, and what I wear to work
I'm not mean and got a neck full of razor bumps
I'm not the classic profile of what the ladies want
You might think I'm depressed as can be
But when I look in the mirror I see sexy ass me
And if that's somethin that you cant respect then that's peace
My life's better without you actually
To everyone out there, who's a little different
I say damn a magazine, these are gods fingerprints
You can call me ugly but cant take nothing from me
I am what I am doctor you ain't gotta love me
...
I'ma be all right, you ain't gotta be my friend tonight (you ain't gotta love me)
An I'ma be okay, you would probably bore me anyway (you ain't gotta love me)
It seems like phases in any civil rights movement go something like this: isolation, frustration, anger, community building, demand for recognition, demand for integration, legislative actions, superficial adherence with legislative actions with some struggles because the values are not internalized, superficial integration, familiarity, diminishing stereotypes, diminishing prejudice, greater more seamless integration, non-legislated acceptance and integration, with the ultimate demonstration of integration being when romantic relationships develop and flourish between two previously "different" groups without challenges or consequence.
Diversity is not a trend, or a fashion, to participate in to be "cool" or "politically correct". It is a value to be held with great regard. We shouldn't come together IN SPITE of our differences. We should come together BECAUSE of our differences.
Key figures in the woman's civil rights movement -- such as Elizabeth Garrett Anderson, Susan B. Anthony, Jeannette Rankin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Sojourner Truth, Lucy Stone, and Harriet Tubman -- had a vision. Key leaders in the racial civil rights movement -- Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Medgar Evers, James Meredith, Andrew Young, Harvey Johnson, Ernest Morial, Barbara Jordan, Dr. Martin Luther King, and many others -- shared the dream of Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.. Key activists in the GLBTA movement -- Henry Gerber, Tammy Baldwin, Barbara Gittings, Del Martin, Phyllis Lyon, José Sarria, and numerous others -- shared the thoughts of Harvey Milk,
I ask for the movement to continue. Because it's not about personal gain, not about ego, not about power... it's about the "us's" out there. Not only gays, but the Blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us's. Without hope, the us's give up - I know you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. So you, and you, and you... You gotta give em' hope... you gotta give em' hope.
Like so many of them, I too have have a dream. My dream is that we no longer think of differences as something perverse, derogatory, or barriers. My dream is that differences will no longer be tolerated. Rather, we will genuinely and tightly embrace differences as valuable treasures holding vast experience, knowledge, skills, and abilities. My dream is that our differences will bring us together to become stronger more loving communities. My dream is differences will no longer be impediments to acceptance, integration, love, or in partnership. But, before my dream can be realized, we need to stop impeding each other... ignoring each other... shunning each other... excluding each other... oppressing each other. My dream is only possible if each and every one of us begins encouraging and empowering each other to be WITH us... to be a STRONGER us... to be a WISER us... so WE can be the BEST us we can possibly be.
Do you have a dream? Do you observe? Do you change? Do you encourage change? Do you empower change? Or, do you impede? Do you follow the crowd? Do you strive to be trendy? Do you embrace strict tradition? Do you promote the status quo? The choice is yours, and yours alone. How will you respond?
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Diversity and Power
2009 Apr 21st | 23:51
Diversity is crucial, whether it be genetic, ethnic, gender-identity, sexuality, ability, language, spirituality, religion, nutritional, political, financial circumstances, social status, or geographic. It always amazes me when we claim to promote diversity, when in fact we truly intentionally or unintentionally oppressing or censoring it using our individual lenses; not individually, necessarily, as each individual has the right to his or her own values, beliefs, opinions, views, or sentiments. However, the true harm occurs when individuals, while representing or leading an organization or government, imposes her or his individual values, beliefs, opinions, views, or sentiments and subsequently acts -- as the organizational leader or representative -- in conflict with the core organizational vision, values, mission, and objectives. Such acts are hazardous for organizations, organizational stakeholders, and communities. Yet, these situations are common and frequently tolerated, as if somehow individual leaders are encouraged and empowered during their tenure to alter or deviate from organizational foundations at their discretion. The reasoning for tolerance and the lack of accountability seems to be that "the leader or representative has been given the power to make difficult decisions and the flexibility to carry out activities to most efficiently achieve organizational goals". Granted, the leader or representative has very likely demonstrated wisdom, knowledge, skill, ability, and competency in a number of areas, thereby earning respect and trust to lead and represent. However, sometimes the ability for objectivity is lacking; the ability to separate our individuality from our responsibility for organizational foundations. Yet, tolerance and lack of accountability seems to imply it is okay to build personal empires and legacies instead of consistent and sustainable organizations focused on core organizational foundations.
All political power is a trust.
Charles James Fox
Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny.
Thomas Jefferson
Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lord Acton
The measure of a man is what he does with power.
Plato
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln
The power of lying is much less than the power of what is not to be discussed.
Mason Cooley
Before we acquire great power we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.
Lao Tzu
Use power to help people. For we are given power not to advance our own purposes nor to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power and it is to serve people.
George W. Bush [ironic, isn't it?]
Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
All political power is a trust.
Charles James Fox
Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny.
Thomas Jefferson
Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lord Acton
The measure of a man is what he does with power.
Plato
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln
The power of lying is much less than the power of what is not to be discussed.
Mason Cooley
Before we acquire great power we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.
Lao Tzu
Use power to help people. For we are given power not to advance our own purposes nor to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power and it is to serve people.
George W. Bush [ironic, isn't it?]
Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Unhealthy Independence
2008 Dec 15th | 23:29
mood: 
contemplative
Something I've noticed lately: our culture and society stresses independence as being a highly-valued characteristic. Nothing new, right? In some ways, it makes sense. Perhaps we've experienced unhealthy or unsatisfying relationships. Perhaps we've witnessed our parents, our relatives, our friends having unhealthy or unsatisfying relationships. Yet, can independence be taken too far? For example, is true independence possible or even healthy for any individual, organization, culture, society, or community?
I think dependency is kind of a continuum between completely dependent on one extreme and completely independent on the other extreme. In terms of relationships, I think people generally define "dependence" as "relying on another or others to satisfy one or more needs, wants, desires, or hopes (e.g. physiological, safety, security, belongingness, love, and esteem -- physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, recreational, community, romantic, or sexual)." I think people generally define "independence" as "freedom from dependence; not relying on another or others; self-subsistence". In between those two extremes lie codependence, interdependence, and contradependence.
Codependence probably lies closer to dependence in that the person is quite heavily dependent on someone else (whom is also dependent on them), wherein unhealthy behaviors such as martyrdom, loss of self, intrusion/manipulation, perfection, and other potentially compulsive behavior is used to ensure those needs are satisfied by the other person. Basically, fearing the loss of the relationship and the ability to satisfy those needs.
Contradependence lies closer to independence in that the person is more heavily independent, wherein independence is maintained (or perhaps even defended) through defensiveness, rejection, and isolation. Although, contradependence isn't talked about much in society, health communities, or self-help circles, some experts have said contradependence is just as dangerous as codependence. They claim contradependence contains aspects of martyrdom (sacrificing the need for belongingness and love), perfection, isolation, and potentially other compulsive behavior to avoid connecting with others because of fears of becoming too dependent. Perhaps avoiding emotional and spiritual intimacy the use of drugs, alcohol, or other substances. Perhaps building up emotional, spiritual, and physical "walls". Perhaps moving frequently to avoid emotional and spiritual intimacy from becoming too intense. Basically, fearing relationships because of the potential for dependency or codependency as well as the loss of freedom.
Interdependence is a dynamic of being mutually-beneficial, mutually-respectful, mutually-responsible, and mutually-trusting. It is sharing a common set of principles with others. It differs distinctly from "dependence" in that an interdependent relationship implies that all participants are individuals free from control or influence, remain true to themselves (i.e. don't lose their sense of self), and don't rely on one individual or group to satisfy all or a majority of their needs (i.e. risking dependency or codependency). Interdependence recognizes the truth in each extreme (i.e. to satisfy many of our needs, we need to depend on someone or something versus to maintain our sense of self and freedom, we need to be independent) and weaves them together. Two or more people that cooperate with each other are said to be interdependent or interconnected.
Still, I'm an idealist and kind of a skeptic at the same time. Does interdependence truly exist? Just a hypothetical question, perhaps.
I think I lean closer to contradependence. Because of the high level of physical dependence I have on others and because of my previous long-term romantic relationships (i.e. which were fairly codependent), I fear emotional, spiritual, and financial dependency. Still, I yearn for emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy. So, I focus on school, work, community, or volunteering. I occasionally use humor as a way of deflecting potential intimacy; sometimes perhaps even inappropriate humor to subconsciously drive people away. I offer way too much self-disclosure with subconscious hopes of scaring people away. Then, if I do start to like someone or have a "crush" on someone, I tend to be almost obsessive, compulsive, and aggressive in my pursuits -- again, subconscious defenses or simply unrelated unhealthy behaviors? And, when all else fails, sleep is another excellent passive-aggressive isolation and avoidance technique. Or, do I simply fear rejection, and it just appears like contradependence?
I think dependency is kind of a continuum between completely dependent on one extreme and completely independent on the other extreme. In terms of relationships, I think people generally define "dependence" as "relying on another or others to satisfy one or more needs, wants, desires, or hopes (e.g. physiological, safety, security, belongingness, love, and esteem -- physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, recreational, community, romantic, or sexual)." I think people generally define "independence" as "freedom from dependence; not relying on another or others; self-subsistence". In between those two extremes lie codependence, interdependence, and contradependence.
Codependence probably lies closer to dependence in that the person is quite heavily dependent on someone else (whom is also dependent on them), wherein unhealthy behaviors such as martyrdom, loss of self, intrusion/manipulation, perfection, and other potentially compulsive behavior is used to ensure those needs are satisfied by the other person. Basically, fearing the loss of the relationship and the ability to satisfy those needs.
Contradependence lies closer to independence in that the person is more heavily independent, wherein independence is maintained (or perhaps even defended) through defensiveness, rejection, and isolation. Although, contradependence isn't talked about much in society, health communities, or self-help circles, some experts have said contradependence is just as dangerous as codependence. They claim contradependence contains aspects of martyrdom (sacrificing the need for belongingness and love), perfection, isolation, and potentially other compulsive behavior to avoid connecting with others because of fears of becoming too dependent. Perhaps avoiding emotional and spiritual intimacy the use of drugs, alcohol, or other substances. Perhaps building up emotional, spiritual, and physical "walls". Perhaps moving frequently to avoid emotional and spiritual intimacy from becoming too intense. Basically, fearing relationships because of the potential for dependency or codependency as well as the loss of freedom.
Interdependence is a dynamic of being mutually-beneficial, mutually-respectful, mutually-responsible, and mutually-trusting. It is sharing a common set of principles with others. It differs distinctly from "dependence" in that an interdependent relationship implies that all participants are individuals free from control or influence, remain true to themselves (i.e. don't lose their sense of self), and don't rely on one individual or group to satisfy all or a majority of their needs (i.e. risking dependency or codependency). Interdependence recognizes the truth in each extreme (i.e. to satisfy many of our needs, we need to depend on someone or something versus to maintain our sense of self and freedom, we need to be independent) and weaves them together. Two or more people that cooperate with each other are said to be interdependent or interconnected.
Still, I'm an idealist and kind of a skeptic at the same time. Does interdependence truly exist? Just a hypothetical question, perhaps.
I think I lean closer to contradependence. Because of the high level of physical dependence I have on others and because of my previous long-term romantic relationships (i.e. which were fairly codependent), I fear emotional, spiritual, and financial dependency. Still, I yearn for emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy. So, I focus on school, work, community, or volunteering. I occasionally use humor as a way of deflecting potential intimacy; sometimes perhaps even inappropriate humor to subconsciously drive people away. I offer way too much self-disclosure with subconscious hopes of scaring people away. Then, if I do start to like someone or have a "crush" on someone, I tend to be almost obsessive, compulsive, and aggressive in my pursuits -- again, subconscious defenses or simply unrelated unhealthy behaviors? And, when all else fails, sleep is another excellent passive-aggressive isolation and avoidance technique. Or, do I simply fear rejection, and it just appears like contradependence?
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Sex, disability and prostitution
2008 Nov 25th | 16:25
mood: contemplative
As a follow-up to my December 29, 2005 entry Disability and Dating, Romantic, and Sexual Relationship Prejudices?
Someone is doing a poll! Help me with a Paper: Survey on Disability and Prostitution posted 11/23/2008 at 10:50 PM
A resource list can be found at Disability, Aging, Dating, Romance, Relationships, and Sexuality Resources
I also found an article from a blog entitled A Different Way Of Thinking... that was titled Disability Kink: Sex, disability and prostitution written by James Medhurst and posted March 1, 2007.
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Trouble -- Cat Stevens
2008 Oct 6th | 21:14
mood: 
discontent
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Puppets -- Atmosphere
2008 Aug 25th | 20:36
Puppets
Atmosphere
When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold
Rhymesayers; 2008
( Click here for lyrics... )
Atmosphere
When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold
Rhymesayers; 2008
( Click here for lyrics... )
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INFO REQUEST: DSP/PCA/Home Care Service Survey
2008 Aug 11th | 16:36
mood: 
curious
I'm writing to ask for your help. I'm conducting a survey to look into the feelings of direct support/personal care/home care consumers, professionals, and provider organizations in relation to finding, keeping, and coordinating direct support professionals (DSPs)/personal care assistants (PCAs) plus other potential concerns or frustrations.( Click here to read more... )
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I am an Advocating Thinker
2008 Jan 19th | 00:01
mood: 
satisfied
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Attraction to Someone Experiencing Disability As a Fetish?!?
2007 Sep 25th | 23:08
mood: 
amused
Has anyone ever encountered attraction to someone experiencing disability to the extreme that it has raised concerns of being a fetish or maladjusted? Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction
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RESPONSE: Article: "I believed that people with disabilities were pitiful..."
2007 Sep 16th | 00:31
mood: 
happy
This is just a general response to the article "Disability: A social construct -- I believed that people with disabilities were pitiful because medicine could not fix their 'broken' parts." by Quynh Nguyen as published in The Minnesota Daily on September 12, 2007 [Link: http://www.mndaily.com/articles/2007/09/1
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Article: "I believed that people with disabilities were pitiful..."
2007 Sep 12th | 15:16
mood: 
thoughtful
What are your thoughts about the article "Disability: A social construct -- I believed that people with disabilities were pitiful because medicine could not fix their 'broken' parts." by Quynh Nguyen as published in The Minnesota Daily on September 12, 2007? Link: http://www.mndaily.com/articles/2007/09/1
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Accessible Cellular/Mobile Phone Technology -- Truly Accessible?
2007 Aug 29th | 18:54
mood: curious
I'm posting in search of any information, resources, feedback, comments, suggestions, or personal stories/experiences in relation to usability, features, and customer service for cellular/mobile phones and service providers.( Click here to read more... )
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INFORMATION REQUESTS: Romantic Relationship and Sexuality Impacts from Disability
2007 Aug 19th | 23:34
mood: curious
I'm posting in search of any information, resources, feedback, comments, suggestions, or personal stories/experiences in relation to two articles I am exploring: ( Click here to read more... )
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INFORMATION REQUEST: Sexuality Impacts from Disability
2007 Aug 19th | 23:22
mood: curious
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INFORMATION REQUEST: Romantic Relationship Impacts from Disability
2007 Aug 19th | 23:16
mood: curious
PURPOSE: challenge common stereotypes/myths, raise public awareness, and empower individuals and couples experiencing disability with respect to dating, romantic relationships, marriage, etc..
METHOD: explore a potential article and resource list of information, resources, supports, solutions, etc. facilitating exploration of dating, romantic relationships, marriage, etc.. for individuals and couples where one or both experience some sort of disability.
NEED: I would appreciate any information, feedback, comments, suggestions, or personal stories/experiences about this topic. Some potential questions include the following:
- What is the medical term generally used to describe the disability that you or your current/past date(s), lover(s), partner(s), spouse(s) experience?
- What initial stereotypes/myths, concerns, challenges, or other negative-impacts have been experienced while dating due to the effects of that disability?
- What stereotypes/myths, concerns, challenges, or other negative-impacts have been experienced during the early-relationship stages due to the effects of that disability?
- What stereotypes/myths, concerns, challenges, or other negative-impacts have been experienced during long-term relationship stages due to the effects of that disability?
- What stereotypes/myths, concerns, challenges, or other negative-impacts have been experienced during marriage due to the effects of that disability?
- What information, resources, supports, solutions, etc. have helped overcome or minimize those challenges?
- What challenges have continued to hinder more full enjoyment of those relationships?
- What solutions have been tried that have proven unsuccessful or less successful than desired?
- What advice or information would you offer or feel would be helpful for others experiencing similar situations and challenges?
NOTE: all comments will be screened, made private, then summarized in an attempt to maintain anonymity. .
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Societal Cynicism and Contempt
2007 Aug 12th | 22:33
mood: 
uncomfortable
The past few weeks have intensified my cynicism and contempt for what it seems our society has become: individuals chasing a destination happiness -- quick "fixes", instant gratification, short-lived contentment comprised of external and material objects, beings, locations, attractions, and entertainment. Individuals distracted from investing into the journey of happiness, earned reward, and long-lasting engagement -- investing themselves, their talents, their skills, and their passions into stabilizing and improving themselves, their families, their friends, their neighbors, and their communities.
It is sad that America has become such a "successful" social experiment in exploitation of individuality to the point that interdependent relationships, community, and society have become so threatened. It is even sadder that it is possible our own government has preyed upon citizens, oppressed minorities, withheld information, and exploited religion to continue leveraging power into the hands of a few by manipulating the masses.
THE CENTURY OF THE SELF: Adam Curtis' acclaimed BBC 4 series examines the rise of the all-consuming self against the backdrop of the Freud dynasty.
To many in both politics and business, the triumph of the self is the ultimate expression of democracy, where power has finally moved to the people. Certainly the people may feel they are in charge, but are they really? The Century of the Self tells the untold and sometimes controversial story of the growth of the mass-consumer society in Britain and the United States. How was the all-consuming self created, by whom, and in whose interests?
More Info: http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/documentari
- The Century of the Self [Part 1 of 4]
Episode One: Happiness Machines
Watch: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2637635365191428174 - The Century of the Self [Part 2 of 4]
Episode Two: The Engineering of Consent
Watch: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-678466363224520614 - The Century of the Self [Part 3 of 4]
Episode Three: There is a Policeman Inside All Our Head: He Must Be Destroyed
Watch: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6111922724894802811 - The Century of the Self [Part 4 of 4]
Episode Four: Eight People Sipping Wine in Kettering
Watch: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1122532358497501036
The PBS Documentary "The Secret Government: The Constitution in Crisis" hosted by Bill Moyers
Watch: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3
... interesting how history repeats itself, isn't it?
History's Mysteries: "Mind Control: America's Secret War"
More Info: http://store.aetv.com/html/product/index.j
Watch: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=
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REQUEST FOR INFORMATION: Disability-Related News and Information Sources
2007 Mar 8th | 00:20
I am working on a graduate project and am trying to identify as many of the sources as possible for global, national, regional, state, and local disability-related news and information (e.g. lifestyle, product/service reviews, legislative changes, events, etc.) used by individuals experiencing disability, family, friends, colleagues, direct support professionals, and so on. More specifically, I'm looking for print and online publications/news services, not organizations because there are so many organizations out there.
I would DEEPLY appreciate your assistance.
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Connections...
2007 Mar 6th | 16:48
mood: contemplative
The body is a house of many windows: there we all sit, showing ourselves and crying on the passers-by to come and love us.
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)
A friend is a second self.
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892)
Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
Sir William Osler
Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible - not to have run away.
Dag Hammarskjold (1905 - 1961)
Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.
Arnold Palmer (1929 - )